i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
