It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
