dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
