I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
