i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
