Your face is a jimmy john
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
