Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
