Where is the hickey?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
