umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
