why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can I color on your dick again?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
