I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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