Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
