If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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