Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
