You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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