I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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