Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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