I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
