literally had 100 drinks last night.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
