Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Randomize
