Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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