How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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