At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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