I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize