If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
