"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
