i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
