Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
