You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
