Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
