And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize