Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
