the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
