she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
