How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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