Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
