I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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