you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
