remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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