I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
tell me about the eggs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
