if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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