I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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