i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
