im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
whose parrot is this?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
my liver is dry heaving
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
