Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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