Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And my parents said I crawled through the house
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
