Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i've created a new STD.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
