the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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