community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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