Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As shirtless as possible
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
