I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
