His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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