I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
