fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize