Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
