please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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