it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
