where am i from again
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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