Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
