Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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