I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
