he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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