i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
