Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
