I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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