i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize