I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
