K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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